It’s official. I’m setting out to write my first novel. Well, technically I’m setting out to finish a novel that is perhaps number fifty-one out of sixty-three ideas I’ve started writing or written down as an idea… I’ve never been quite so serious about one before. I’ve had some pretty good ideas before, and I have been a bit more excited, but honestly, this is probably one of the best plots I’ve ever had. Plus the characters… Whew, they blow me away!
Okay, the above paragraph seems pretty out of place. It is, don’t worry. It’ll all make sense in time…
Not many teenagers get books published. Perhaps I’ll break the trend. Perhaps not. But finishing this project is something that I think God has put on my heart. It’s a pretty massive undertaking, and this wasn’t exactly screamed at me. There’s just been this small pull, and I’m going to keep praying that this is the right time, and that the right people are helping me. I’m praying a lot.
I’m not sure that I truly knew what it meant to meditate on the words of the Bible. But I think it’s getting through. It’s hard to describe.
I was never a false Christian, or anything. I always took my faith seriously. I loved God, and almost always remembered to lean on Him in the bad times. He’s helped me through a lot. Yet, even though I focused my life on being God’s servant, something never clicked. I’m not sure what it was. I don’t think I ever will. Everything still seems the same, but I know it’s not. It’s crazy. I was rarely lukewarm. Quite often, I was a searing-hot Christian!
Maybe I’ve grown in my faith. Perhaps I’m closer in my relationship with God. I’m just… not sure.
Whatever it was that changed, though, I love it. For the first time in a long time, I’m not stressed about the future. I still think about it a lot, but I’m lacking the anxiety it caused. Perhaps I have grown by letting go of things like that.
And do you know what those kind of things have been replaced with? This! These blog posts, all inspired by God. I’ve been kicked into hyper-drive and I’ve been studying God’s word, improving my mind and life, and I’m not feeling overwhelmed. Do you realize that I’m reading nineteen books, most of them daily? And that’s only about two thirds of what I’ve been doing! I’m invigorated. I feel renewed. Enough so to where God’s been asking more and more of me. I feel so blessed.
Of course, I’m also terrified. Why would God choose me? It’s kind of insane when I look at the big picture of a few of the things. But guess what? In doubting ourselves, we doubt God, and I know that God can conquer anything!
Remember last time? Yeah, I still don’t know what God wants me to do in that respect. I’m fairly sure it’s not this novel. No, I think it falls much closer to shining God’s light directly, but He’ll let me know when He’s ready.
I just want to encourage anyone reading this to do what God’s calling them to do, whether it’s big or small. He has His reasons. And it usually takes a lot of guts. I mean, I’ve changed my entire daily routine (a very comfortable one) in order to get my life in order! But I felt that pull and I acted. I just hope everyone else will as well.
“The world needs dreamers and the world needs doers. But above all, the world needs dreamers who do.” ~Sarah Ban Breathnach
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
That Nagging Feeling
I think I’m going to scream. Yep. But I won’t because my voice has been weak for a couple months… Oh, I need to do something!
You know what’s worse? This isn’t something that will pass. It’s not like when I’m mad at someone, or when my stomach shouts at me that it needs food. (Stomach- “Girgle, whiiiiiine! Grr.” Me- “I just fed you half an hour ago, you endless pit!” Stomach- “Said the liar.”)
Okay. It’ll pass eventually. But let me tell you, that moment can’t come too soon! Do you want to know why, oh, reader? Let me tell you.
Some time earlier today, I would probably say before noon, I got this weird feeling in me. I was enveloped by the foreignness. Mid afternoon, most likely around 4pm, I understood the basics of the feeling. Finally, I thought. Wait, that’s it? God, You’re telling me to do something. Normal, but extraordinary. But what? I’ve had a nagging feeling ever since. You know what’s funny? In a personal Bible study I was doing, I wrote a note to myself about how in Galatians, Paul acted immediately on what God told him, without even consulting the apostles or anyone! So he traveled off to somewhere and etcetera. He acted upon his instinct. He didn’t ask for input or wait to make sure. He knew what he knew so he acted. No hesitation.
Knowing what I know, being me, plus, on top of it all, having relatable scripture right on hand has caused there to be a terrible, nagging feeling in my whole self. And you know what? This isn’t my being impatience. It’s not. I know what it feels like to be impatient. This… is different.
Oh, wow. You know what? I can’t believe I never saw this sooner! Okay, in the book I’m reading, Do Hard Things by Alex and Brett Harris (Did I already mention them? I can’t remember…), they wrote about what I am. Changing our teenage role. Then they became “guinea pigs for [their] own ideas.” The were invited to apply for, and then got internships at the Alabama Supreme Court. I doubt that I’m going to do something quite so big (although I can’t say it’s impossible, because that would be doubting God), I know it’s still important… whatever it is.
Okay. It’s time to spend some time in prayer, in my Bible, and in the multitude if Christian books scattered around me. Yup.
“But when God, who set me apart from my mother’s womb and called me by his grace, was pleased to reveal his Son in me so that I might preach him among the Gentiles, my immediate response was not to consult any human being. I did not go up to Jerusalem to see those who were apostles before I was, but I went into Arabia. Later I returned to Damascus.” Galatians 1:15-17
You know what’s worse? This isn’t something that will pass. It’s not like when I’m mad at someone, or when my stomach shouts at me that it needs food. (Stomach- “Girgle, whiiiiiine! Grr.” Me- “I just fed you half an hour ago, you endless pit!” Stomach- “Said the liar.”)
Okay. It’ll pass eventually. But let me tell you, that moment can’t come too soon! Do you want to know why, oh, reader? Let me tell you.
Some time earlier today, I would probably say before noon, I got this weird feeling in me. I was enveloped by the foreignness. Mid afternoon, most likely around 4pm, I understood the basics of the feeling. Finally, I thought. Wait, that’s it? God, You’re telling me to do something. Normal, but extraordinary. But what? I’ve had a nagging feeling ever since. You know what’s funny? In a personal Bible study I was doing, I wrote a note to myself about how in Galatians, Paul acted immediately on what God told him, without even consulting the apostles or anyone! So he traveled off to somewhere and etcetera. He acted upon his instinct. He didn’t ask for input or wait to make sure. He knew what he knew so he acted. No hesitation.
Knowing what I know, being me, plus, on top of it all, having relatable scripture right on hand has caused there to be a terrible, nagging feeling in my whole self. And you know what? This isn’t my being impatience. It’s not. I know what it feels like to be impatient. This… is different.
Oh, wow. You know what? I can’t believe I never saw this sooner! Okay, in the book I’m reading, Do Hard Things by Alex and Brett Harris (Did I already mention them? I can’t remember…), they wrote about what I am. Changing our teenage role. Then they became “guinea pigs for [their] own ideas.” The were invited to apply for, and then got internships at the Alabama Supreme Court. I doubt that I’m going to do something quite so big (although I can’t say it’s impossible, because that would be doubting God), I know it’s still important… whatever it is.
Okay. It’s time to spend some time in prayer, in my Bible, and in the multitude if Christian books scattered around me. Yup.
“But when God, who set me apart from my mother’s womb and called me by his grace, was pleased to reveal his Son in me so that I might preach him among the Gentiles, my immediate response was not to consult any human being. I did not go up to Jerusalem to see those who were apostles before I was, but I went into Arabia. Later I returned to Damascus.” Galatians 1:15-17
Monday, July 25, 2011
Expectations (Joe on Joe)
I’m above average.
Boast much?
I’m below average, too, Joe!
Really? Because we’re pretty awesome.
Now who’s boasting?
What’s the point of this?
The point is that I’m naturally above average. But compared to myself, I’m kind of a slacker…
Gasp! What?!?
Yeah. I mean, come on, Joe. We put the pro in procrastinate.
I’m going to reply to that insult! Tomorrow…
Exactly. I’m not living up to my potential, and by relation, neither are you.
What do you mean?
God blessed me with a good memory for words. Like verses and quotes. But it took until this summer at camp before I realized this gift. And I only realized because saying those verses earned me points. After saying probably the seventh of fifteen verses did it finally feel fun and exciting.
‘Kay…
You still don’t get it! My laziness delayed my spiritual and mental growth! And here’s the thing; before this summer, I was still above average in comparison to most people my age. My maturity level and my grades are much higher than my peers.
So then we get a break. Psh, if we’re already-
No! The problem is that we’re not even stretching ourselves! And do you know what the problem is? Low expectations. In the words of an education expert, “Our current ceiling for students is really much closer to where the floor ought to be.”
I don’t-
Just let me talk. Expectations have fallen. You know what’s funny? I was called an “overachiever” for asking for extra verses, never mind saying them! I know that I am, but even so, my effort is severely lacking. THAT is the problem, my dear Joe.
I think I’m getting it…
Good.
So what are you proposing?
I am convinced that teenagers should revolt! Doesn’t it make you mad?
You know it! Let’s grab the pitchforks!
No! Not that kind of revolt! I mean by changing ourselves, and then those around us. There ARE young people out there who are tired of getting by easily, you know. Most of teenagers out there aren’t giving their all. I mean, look at me! I didn’t put much effort into any of my classes last quarter except my final for geography. And even with that, I only studied for for a few days. And do you know how that all turned out? I ended up with a GPA of 3.88. Yeah. Imagine if I had put in some true effort?!? Like, you know, actually reading my philosophy textbook. And that literature class I got a 4.0 in? We both know that professor’s standards were too low. I hardly learned a thing!
Okay. But in the past few weeks you’ve dragged me through that insane reading/writing/fitness/personal growth program you created. That’s gotta count for something, eh?
Sure it does! God convicted me that I was wasting my time, even if it wasn’t wasted like many teenagers’ lives are. That’s why I started it. And guess what? It’s working. I’ve given up some horrible habits and replaced them with good ones. I’m striving to be more than a bit below my personal average. I’m hoping to be above my average!
Okay… But back to the revolt thing. It sounded fun.
…
…Joe?
I’m not so sure about that. First of all, these things will be hard. Going above and beyond isn’t easy, you know. And secondly, you have to make sure to be balanced. It’s not good to replace one idol with another you know. To God, it’s all the same, even if you replace video games for education. To attain balance, you have to make sure that God is your focus. And HE is your focus. I’ve seen people get swept up with being a Christian. They spend all of their time on being good and doing good, but none is ever spent with God.
Okay. So I’ve got to make God my one and only?
No! I mean, yes. But God means for us to be His servants. How are we to do that without living our lives? No. Here’s the verse you need. Colossians 3:17 “And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” See? No matter what it is we’re doing, we should do it for God.
Cool. So, I strengthen my faith and do… things…
Yeah. This is where things get tough. See, when we do anything to get stronger as Christians, Satan makes sure to attack.
Yikes! He’s scary!
He is. And he’s powerful. And you know what’s bad? A lot of times, we’re our own worst enemy. We’re a powerful weapon against ourselves! My temper, my quick addictions, my mind. Even if you’re not the weapon, rest assured that you will be tempted or attacked in one way or another. You may even be persecuted for your beliefs.
So… Not so fun…
No. But think about this; life is very temporary; heaven is forever. I’m going to have to live with my sins. I’m also going to have to live with my lack of action. However, earth is only a house to prepare us for our home, heaven. I’d rather go knowing that I did all I could and was all I could be. Let me condense it all to fit together:
Teenagers are expected to adhere to a low standard. Even high expectations are low. The youth of the world is expected to use their teenage years as a time to have fun and party. So that’s what they tend to do. There are, however, young people who want more out of their years, but either don’t react to that feeling, or aren’t sure how to. The teenagers who operate on an above-average standard are praised, even if they’re lazy (like us). If we young’uns were to have a higher standard, no doubt we would rise to that low standard. The problem is the world, and let’s face it; it’s not going to magically change. So what do we do? Do we do anything?
I’m thinking you’re gonna say-
Yes!
Knew it.
But we can’t just get up and set out to change everyone else when we, ourselves, are still needing a new coat of paint. Once we renew ourselves, though, we can start doing bigger things. But I’ve got to warn you, I’ve changed a lot of my life since choosing to change. It won’t be the same. You won’t be the same. You’ll be better, and that’s certain, but like I said, we all need to prepare for battle. Being a Christian, especially one who has set out to do big things, or even small things, will mean facing challenges.
Greeeeeat…
I think this is important to remember this; everything we do to further ourselves counts. Most will be difficult and strenuous. But don’t be discouraged if those things are small, not big. It all helps in building a strong character that God would be proud of.
Like keeping our room clean or brushing out the cat?
Exactly like that! Now, are you ready for this?!?
…Gulp…
“Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.” 1 Timothy 4:12
Boast much?
I’m below average, too, Joe!
Really? Because we’re pretty awesome.
Now who’s boasting?
What’s the point of this?
The point is that I’m naturally above average. But compared to myself, I’m kind of a slacker…
Gasp! What?!?
Yeah. I mean, come on, Joe. We put the pro in procrastinate.
I’m going to reply to that insult! Tomorrow…
Exactly. I’m not living up to my potential, and by relation, neither are you.
What do you mean?
God blessed me with a good memory for words. Like verses and quotes. But it took until this summer at camp before I realized this gift. And I only realized because saying those verses earned me points. After saying probably the seventh of fifteen verses did it finally feel fun and exciting.
‘Kay…
You still don’t get it! My laziness delayed my spiritual and mental growth! And here’s the thing; before this summer, I was still above average in comparison to most people my age. My maturity level and my grades are much higher than my peers.
So then we get a break. Psh, if we’re already-
No! The problem is that we’re not even stretching ourselves! And do you know what the problem is? Low expectations. In the words of an education expert, “Our current ceiling for students is really much closer to where the floor ought to be.”
I don’t-
Just let me talk. Expectations have fallen. You know what’s funny? I was called an “overachiever” for asking for extra verses, never mind saying them! I know that I am, but even so, my effort is severely lacking. THAT is the problem, my dear Joe.
I think I’m getting it…
Good.
So what are you proposing?
I am convinced that teenagers should revolt! Doesn’t it make you mad?
You know it! Let’s grab the pitchforks!
No! Not that kind of revolt! I mean by changing ourselves, and then those around us. There ARE young people out there who are tired of getting by easily, you know. Most of teenagers out there aren’t giving their all. I mean, look at me! I didn’t put much effort into any of my classes last quarter except my final for geography. And even with that, I only studied for for a few days. And do you know how that all turned out? I ended up with a GPA of 3.88. Yeah. Imagine if I had put in some true effort?!? Like, you know, actually reading my philosophy textbook. And that literature class I got a 4.0 in? We both know that professor’s standards were too low. I hardly learned a thing!
Okay. But in the past few weeks you’ve dragged me through that insane reading/writing/fitness/personal growth program you created. That’s gotta count for something, eh?
Sure it does! God convicted me that I was wasting my time, even if it wasn’t wasted like many teenagers’ lives are. That’s why I started it. And guess what? It’s working. I’ve given up some horrible habits and replaced them with good ones. I’m striving to be more than a bit below my personal average. I’m hoping to be above my average!
Okay… But back to the revolt thing. It sounded fun.
…
…Joe?
I’m not so sure about that. First of all, these things will be hard. Going above and beyond isn’t easy, you know. And secondly, you have to make sure to be balanced. It’s not good to replace one idol with another you know. To God, it’s all the same, even if you replace video games for education. To attain balance, you have to make sure that God is your focus. And HE is your focus. I’ve seen people get swept up with being a Christian. They spend all of their time on being good and doing good, but none is ever spent with God.
Okay. So I’ve got to make God my one and only?
No! I mean, yes. But God means for us to be His servants. How are we to do that without living our lives? No. Here’s the verse you need. Colossians 3:17 “And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” See? No matter what it is we’re doing, we should do it for God.
Cool. So, I strengthen my faith and do… things…
Yeah. This is where things get tough. See, when we do anything to get stronger as Christians, Satan makes sure to attack.
Yikes! He’s scary!
He is. And he’s powerful. And you know what’s bad? A lot of times, we’re our own worst enemy. We’re a powerful weapon against ourselves! My temper, my quick addictions, my mind. Even if you’re not the weapon, rest assured that you will be tempted or attacked in one way or another. You may even be persecuted for your beliefs.
So… Not so fun…
No. But think about this; life is very temporary; heaven is forever. I’m going to have to live with my sins. I’m also going to have to live with my lack of action. However, earth is only a house to prepare us for our home, heaven. I’d rather go knowing that I did all I could and was all I could be. Let me condense it all to fit together:
Teenagers are expected to adhere to a low standard. Even high expectations are low. The youth of the world is expected to use their teenage years as a time to have fun and party. So that’s what they tend to do. There are, however, young people who want more out of their years, but either don’t react to that feeling, or aren’t sure how to. The teenagers who operate on an above-average standard are praised, even if they’re lazy (like us). If we young’uns were to have a higher standard, no doubt we would rise to that low standard. The problem is the world, and let’s face it; it’s not going to magically change. So what do we do? Do we do anything?
I’m thinking you’re gonna say-
Yes!
Knew it.
But we can’t just get up and set out to change everyone else when we, ourselves, are still needing a new coat of paint. Once we renew ourselves, though, we can start doing bigger things. But I’ve got to warn you, I’ve changed a lot of my life since choosing to change. It won’t be the same. You won’t be the same. You’ll be better, and that’s certain, but like I said, we all need to prepare for battle. Being a Christian, especially one who has set out to do big things, or even small things, will mean facing challenges.
Greeeeeat…
I think this is important to remember this; everything we do to further ourselves counts. Most will be difficult and strenuous. But don’t be discouraged if those things are small, not big. It all helps in building a strong character that God would be proud of.
Like keeping our room clean or brushing out the cat?
Exactly like that! Now, are you ready for this?!?
…Gulp…
“Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.” 1 Timothy 4:12
Thursday, July 21, 2011
This is your life. Are you who you want to be?
Today, I was laying in bed with my computer, wasting my time. That’s when I heard it; “This is your life. Are you who you want to be?” (It’s lyrics to a Switchfoot song.) I began contemplating. It took me all of two seconds to answer, “No.” So, for the next hour and a half, I thought about it on and off as I ate dinner and watched a bit of TV.
In a nutshell, my dad would not listen to my very simple (and kind) advise, creating an argument. I went to my room to calm down. As I listened to music (Switchfoot, again), I realized that my life is in shambles. It is quite easily a whole lot better than it has been since I was about eleven, but it still is quite awful. Do you know how many times I have told myself that my life was fine; I was fine? I kept lying to myself. I kept telling myself that things would undoubtedly get better. Do you know how hard it is to keep lying to yourself? I did that for at least six years. SIX YEARS.
I’m so tired of it.
Guess what? Nothing in life is guaranteed. So, when things get bad, I would tell myself that eventually, things would get better. That I would feel better.
That never really happened.
My life changed. Things got both better and worse. And today, in my room, I was just overcome with regret and confusion. Suddenly, I realized that no matter how many times I had tried to give everything to Jesus, I never quite did. I still think back to when I was five and lament doing things! And it’s not only living with past sins, it’s living with all the worries about my present and future. I’m seventeen and in the fall, I should really start applying for colleges. I still have only smidgeons of ideas of what I might like to do! (Please don’t tell me that I’m still young. I know that all too well. Because I’ve been in an accelerated college program, I won’t have those wonderful first two or so years to fulfill requirement classes. I kind of have to choose soon.)
Today, I gave God everything. I gave Him my regrets and my worries. I also gave Him all of those lies. I’m feeling a bit better. I know it sounds pessimistic, but now I understand that my life isn’t guaranteed to get better. For all I know, this is the best it will ever be. But I don’t need happiness. All I need is Jesus.
“No soul can be really at rest until it has given up all dependence on everything else and has been forced to depend on the Lord alone. As long as our expectation is from other things, nothing but disappointment awaits us. Feelings may change, and will change with our changing circumstances; doctrines and dogmas may be upset; Christian work may come to naught; prayers may seem to lose their fervency; promises may seem to fail; everything that we have believed in or depended upon may seem to be swept away, and only God is left, just God, the bare God, if I may be allowed the expression; simply and only God.” -Hannah Whitall Smith
In a nutshell, my dad would not listen to my very simple (and kind) advise, creating an argument. I went to my room to calm down. As I listened to music (Switchfoot, again), I realized that my life is in shambles. It is quite easily a whole lot better than it has been since I was about eleven, but it still is quite awful. Do you know how many times I have told myself that my life was fine; I was fine? I kept lying to myself. I kept telling myself that things would undoubtedly get better. Do you know how hard it is to keep lying to yourself? I did that for at least six years. SIX YEARS.
I’m so tired of it.
Guess what? Nothing in life is guaranteed. So, when things get bad, I would tell myself that eventually, things would get better. That I would feel better.
That never really happened.
My life changed. Things got both better and worse. And today, in my room, I was just overcome with regret and confusion. Suddenly, I realized that no matter how many times I had tried to give everything to Jesus, I never quite did. I still think back to when I was five and lament doing things! And it’s not only living with past sins, it’s living with all the worries about my present and future. I’m seventeen and in the fall, I should really start applying for colleges. I still have only smidgeons of ideas of what I might like to do! (Please don’t tell me that I’m still young. I know that all too well. Because I’ve been in an accelerated college program, I won’t have those wonderful first two or so years to fulfill requirement classes. I kind of have to choose soon.)
Today, I gave God everything. I gave Him my regrets and my worries. I also gave Him all of those lies. I’m feeling a bit better. I know it sounds pessimistic, but now I understand that my life isn’t guaranteed to get better. For all I know, this is the best it will ever be. But I don’t need happiness. All I need is Jesus.
“No soul can be really at rest until it has given up all dependence on everything else and has been forced to depend on the Lord alone. As long as our expectation is from other things, nothing but disappointment awaits us. Feelings may change, and will change with our changing circumstances; doctrines and dogmas may be upset; Christian work may come to naught; prayers may seem to lose their fervency; promises may seem to fail; everything that we have believed in or depended upon may seem to be swept away, and only God is left, just God, the bare God, if I may be allowed the expression; simply and only God.” -Hannah Whitall Smith
Monday, July 18, 2011
Changing Focus
I feel like I have rarely hit the mark with this blog. I began this blog because when I was writing on the other, co-written one, The Merry Adventures of Three Bewhiskered Desperadoes, I felt like I already had too much to say without adding a whole new genre to the mix.
Let me tell you this: It is tough writing about deep things from the heart, all the while trying not to sound confusing. I usually end up confusing myself! It’s easy to understand, but hard to explain, and for that I apologize. Please, criticize me! Without that, I’ll never get better.
The focus of this has been on anything related to God. And that’s great! But I want to focus more on what I can do. What we all can do as Christians.
You know that we’re at war, right? It’s a spiritual war, and it’s all around us. I’m becoming more aware of this every day. Because of this, I’m trying to strengthen myself in God. I’ve created this list, and there’s a point system… The gist of it is that I’m spending a lot more time reading the Bible, Christian concepts, and self-help books. The latter sounds funny coming from a seventeen-year-old, doesn’t it? Actually, this leads me to my final… thing (there I go again, lacking language). I’m reading a book called, Do Hard Things by Alex and Brett Harris. I’ve read it twice before. Clearly, I would recommend it. It’s about actually making a difference by doing what seems difficult. Oh, and did I mention that it’s written by teens for teens, and that it’s Christian? Achieving big things for God… It’s a good read. It has been a goal of mine ever since I read the first chapter two or three years ago. As time progressed, it has gotten pretty clear as to what God wants from me. Maybe not in a very practical way, as in, “I want you to be a missionary in Brazil,” or anything like that. Nope. So, maybe the book won’t help me in that sense, but it’s helping me find a way to get through what God is telling me, as is all of what I’m doing.
I am a Rebelutionary. The Rebelution is the teenage rebellion against low expectations. It’s what I’m going to try to change the focus of the blog to. And really, why do we adhere to this world’s definition of us? Why don’t we get up and do something? Make a change? It all starts with ourselves.
"Enemy occupied territory- that is what this world is." -C.S. Lewis
Let me tell you this: It is tough writing about deep things from the heart, all the while trying not to sound confusing. I usually end up confusing myself! It’s easy to understand, but hard to explain, and for that I apologize. Please, criticize me! Without that, I’ll never get better.
The focus of this has been on anything related to God. And that’s great! But I want to focus more on what I can do. What we all can do as Christians.
You know that we’re at war, right? It’s a spiritual war, and it’s all around us. I’m becoming more aware of this every day. Because of this, I’m trying to strengthen myself in God. I’ve created this list, and there’s a point system… The gist of it is that I’m spending a lot more time reading the Bible, Christian concepts, and self-help books. The latter sounds funny coming from a seventeen-year-old, doesn’t it? Actually, this leads me to my final… thing (there I go again, lacking language). I’m reading a book called, Do Hard Things by Alex and Brett Harris. I’ve read it twice before. Clearly, I would recommend it. It’s about actually making a difference by doing what seems difficult. Oh, and did I mention that it’s written by teens for teens, and that it’s Christian? Achieving big things for God… It’s a good read. It has been a goal of mine ever since I read the first chapter two or three years ago. As time progressed, it has gotten pretty clear as to what God wants from me. Maybe not in a very practical way, as in, “I want you to be a missionary in Brazil,” or anything like that. Nope. So, maybe the book won’t help me in that sense, but it’s helping me find a way to get through what God is telling me, as is all of what I’m doing.
I am a Rebelutionary. The Rebelution is the teenage rebellion against low expectations. It’s what I’m going to try to change the focus of the blog to. And really, why do we adhere to this world’s definition of us? Why don’t we get up and do something? Make a change? It all starts with ourselves.
"Enemy occupied territory- that is what this world is." -C.S. Lewis
Saturday, June 25, 2011
God in Troubled Times
The following story is long and dull, but it leads to a pretty grand finale. Please bare with me.
For this past week, I have been at a Christian camp. It ended midday Friday. On Wednesday night, the worship music was especially loud. My right ear was directly in the line of one of the speakers. It was merely two or three seats in front of me. Probably in the middle of the second song, my right ear began to throb. I assumed the music was just a tad too loud for me. No one else seemed distracted. Suddenly, my entire right ear, inside and out, felt bruised and swollen as it throbbed and I even thought it might be bleeding. I turned so that it didn't face the speakers anymore, but it didn't matter. The damage was done. I cupped my ear, and kept my fingers tightly over it for the remainder of the worship. In the talk that followed, my ear kept paining me, but less than it had during the music. I just prayed for relief from the sharp stabs of pain so that I could focus on the message.
The next morning came. My ear still hurt quite a bit. I found out that the water all over camp was out. We had to use porto-potties. I'm a very paranoid person. I have many fears and phobias. Many of them are rational; others are not. Porto-potties are more terrifying to me than, oh, I don't know, getting killed in a freak accident. (Okay, that may be a stretch, but not by much.) So, that morning, I bravely walked up to it, took a deep breath, and walked in. I came out gasping for air. I was almost in tears. I'm not an emotional person. I hardly even cry when I'm alone. Basically, I hate those makeshift toilets like I hate the most horrifying nightmare I've ever had.
My mornings are always rough. My stomach was nauseous every single morning, so I always ate between half an hour or an hour later, meaning that I never got a full meal as the food was only whatever snacks I had brought to camp. In addition to that, I have horrible reactions to pollen, especially this year. My medicine hardly helped me. It can make it hard for me to breath, it can make me nauseous, give me a runny nose and watery eyes, among other things. So, between my allergies, stomach, ear, and the water, I was having a pretty heinous morning.
Somehow, I made it through breakfast, worship, and the morning talk. After that, I went to play games with my wonderful team. I didn't know anyone particularly well on my team, but they always lifted my spirits. I found it easier to ignore my ear with them. By the time we were walking to our last game of the day, and of camp, their cheerful, friendly personalities were no match for the nails being hammered into my ear. I've never had any real pain in my ears, so I wasn't sure if it was serious. So I asked my team leader, who sent me to a woman who sent me to another woman who sent me to the nurse. I guess ear problems are rarer so she didn't have anything for me but an ice pack, which seemed to slow down the stabbing.
During lunch, my ear hurt to much for me to have an appetite. To have something to do, I said two verses, and memorized seven more, five of which I said as well (The camp gives out five verses to memorize, and I said them all on the first full day. Maybe it's the overachiever in me, but I got bored and asked for more. Not only do they get your team points, but, well, it's fun and fulfilling to memorize the Bible!).
A couple hours later, I got another icepack, and another woman looked at my ear and told me I had symptoms of an ear infection. What?!? An ear infection?!? I'd never had one before! In retrospect, the earplugs I wore at night to block out the chatter of my friends (This human needs sleep. Who knew?) always and only hurt my right ear all week long. The music probably just accelerated things.
In my free time, I sat on my bed and tried to eat. I couldn't. I was tired and getting a wee bit dizzy. I've never cried before at camp, which I guess is a pretty big, unemotional achievement. It was not a typical year, but the pain in my ear took me over the edge. I broke down and bawled in short intervals. I knew I needed to leave an entire day early, but I didn't want to. The last night always has the best talk, the guys sing to the girls, and the girls usually sing back, and baptisms happen the following morning. Plus, you know, they give out prizes to all of the teams and stuff... But I was mostly sad about missing the talk. Someone said that they wait a whole year just for a Thursday night. So do I.
By 4pm, I had left the camp. I only got to say a proper goodbye to one person. By dinner that night, I had medicine for my ear. I was able to eat. I still felt horrible. I have hardly ever been so sad as I was then.
My cat greeted me warmly, and hardly left my side all night, making me feel better. I got to see how much our little duck, Gaston, towered over our older duck, Belle. I saw Belle fly! Ducks sure do fly funny. But my mind stayed on what I was missing.
When I went to bed, I grabbed my Bible. I desperately needed it. Throughout the week, many of the verses I had memorized came from Psalm. I was going to flip to that book, and red a few chapters. You know how in Doctor Who with the Weeping Angels if you blink, you're either dead or sent back into the past? I blinked. The word, "Deuteronomy," flashed across my eyelids. I kind of shrugged to myself, and instead of going to Psalm, I opened my Bible to what I thought would be midway between it and Deuteronomy. I always forget how large the first few books are! My pages slid open to Deuteronomy 8. My Bible has it titled, "Do Not Forget the Lord." I cried and prayed as I read:
1 Be careful to follow every command I am giving you today, so that you may live and increase and may enter and possess the land the LORD promised on oath to your ancestors. 2 Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the wilderness these forty years, to humble and test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. 3 He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your ancestors had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD. 4 Your clothes did not wear out and your feet did not swell during these forty years. 5 Know then in your heart that as a man disciplines his son, so the LORD your God disciplines you.
6 Observe the commands of the LORD your God, walking in obedience to him and revering him. 7 For the LORD your God is bringing you into a good land—a land with brooks, streams, and deep springs gushing out into the valleys and hills; 8 a land with wheat and barley, vines and fig trees, pomegranates, olive oil and honey; 9 a land where bread will not be scarce and you will lack nothing; a land where the rocks are iron and you can dig copper out of the hills.
10 When you have eaten and are satisfied, praise the LORD your God for the good land he has given you. 11 Be careful that you do not forget the LORD your God, failing to observe his commands, his laws and his decrees that I am giving you this day. 12 Otherwise, when you eat and are satisfied, when you build fine houses and settle down, 13 and when your herds and flocks grow large and your silver and gold increase and all you have is multiplied, 14 then your heart will become proud and you will forget the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. 15 He led you through the vast and dreadful wilderness, that thirsty and waterless land, with its venomous snakes and scorpions. He brought you water out of hard rock. 16 He gave you manna to eat in the wilderness, something your ancestors had never known, to humble and test you so that in the end it might go well with you. 17 You may say to yourself, "My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me." 18 But remember the LORD your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth, and so confirms his covenant, which he swore to your ancestors, as it is today.
19 If you ever forget the LORD your God and follow other gods and worship and bow down to them, I testify against you today that you will surely be destroyed. 20 Like the nations the LORD destroyed before you, so you will be destroyed for not obeying the LORD your God.
I needed so badly to read this. I realized that I needed to be more dependant on God. When I struggle, I pray, but sometimes I think I forget just how powerful God is. He is so powerful, and this is really nothing in comparison to His true power, that on Tuesday morning, when I was so exhausted that I could barely keep my eyes open, when I prayed for focus so that I could actually understand the talk that morning, I felt something swish through me, and when I opened my eyes, I was wide awake, and remained so until later that night. It was probably just a ton of adrenaline, but it still was an amazing moment. I also remembered that Christians can't be strong without being tested. For most of the people at that camp, they said that they can feel their lives getting harder because they're being spiritually attacked. For me, though, I struggle at camp. Sure, it's easier not to sin, but I think that because of that, I forget to lean on God like I should. Mostly, though, I feel attacked in a different way. I get distracted. It's a really easy thing for me to do. When my health is attacked, it's harder for me to face than sin! I get miserable and forget that I represent my God. I act rudely. I'm not a terribly nice person by nature, which is something that I'm working on, and this just makes it worse. I have to be stronger, through the Holy Spirit.
When I feel closest to God and can feel Him speaking to me, I am always certain of the message. For probably a year now, the same message keeps getting to me. I usually end up crying. God's sculpting me to be strong and dependant on Him. He's helping me to learn and grow in Him because one day, I'll need everything I can get because the worst battle (and I am confident that it will be a bad one) is yet to come. Once, what I was reading, the music I was listening to, the book I was reading, and the thought I unwillingly thought all told me the same thing. Of course, it wasn't vague like it seems, but some things are too personal to share, even in writing. The point of this is that when I read this, and felt connected to God, the promise wasn't a struggle. It was a promise of something good. If we deal with testing well, we'll end up stronger in the end. I know that I still have a pretty big battle to fight yet, but this promise of something good? It drives me as well, and gives me something to look forward to. I love God and the mysterious ways he communicates with us. Just think: if I didn't come home when I did, I would never have read that chapter. I'm still sad, but I'm finding it hard to regret when God communicated to me more in that chapter than He did all week!
For this past week, I have been at a Christian camp. It ended midday Friday. On Wednesday night, the worship music was especially loud. My right ear was directly in the line of one of the speakers. It was merely two or three seats in front of me. Probably in the middle of the second song, my right ear began to throb. I assumed the music was just a tad too loud for me. No one else seemed distracted. Suddenly, my entire right ear, inside and out, felt bruised and swollen as it throbbed and I even thought it might be bleeding. I turned so that it didn't face the speakers anymore, but it didn't matter. The damage was done. I cupped my ear, and kept my fingers tightly over it for the remainder of the worship. In the talk that followed, my ear kept paining me, but less than it had during the music. I just prayed for relief from the sharp stabs of pain so that I could focus on the message.
The next morning came. My ear still hurt quite a bit. I found out that the water all over camp was out. We had to use porto-potties. I'm a very paranoid person. I have many fears and phobias. Many of them are rational; others are not. Porto-potties are more terrifying to me than, oh, I don't know, getting killed in a freak accident. (Okay, that may be a stretch, but not by much.) So, that morning, I bravely walked up to it, took a deep breath, and walked in. I came out gasping for air. I was almost in tears. I'm not an emotional person. I hardly even cry when I'm alone. Basically, I hate those makeshift toilets like I hate the most horrifying nightmare I've ever had.
My mornings are always rough. My stomach was nauseous every single morning, so I always ate between half an hour or an hour later, meaning that I never got a full meal as the food was only whatever snacks I had brought to camp. In addition to that, I have horrible reactions to pollen, especially this year. My medicine hardly helped me. It can make it hard for me to breath, it can make me nauseous, give me a runny nose and watery eyes, among other things. So, between my allergies, stomach, ear, and the water, I was having a pretty heinous morning.
Somehow, I made it through breakfast, worship, and the morning talk. After that, I went to play games with my wonderful team. I didn't know anyone particularly well on my team, but they always lifted my spirits. I found it easier to ignore my ear with them. By the time we were walking to our last game of the day, and of camp, their cheerful, friendly personalities were no match for the nails being hammered into my ear. I've never had any real pain in my ears, so I wasn't sure if it was serious. So I asked my team leader, who sent me to a woman who sent me to another woman who sent me to the nurse. I guess ear problems are rarer so she didn't have anything for me but an ice pack, which seemed to slow down the stabbing.
During lunch, my ear hurt to much for me to have an appetite. To have something to do, I said two verses, and memorized seven more, five of which I said as well (The camp gives out five verses to memorize, and I said them all on the first full day. Maybe it's the overachiever in me, but I got bored and asked for more. Not only do they get your team points, but, well, it's fun and fulfilling to memorize the Bible!).
A couple hours later, I got another icepack, and another woman looked at my ear and told me I had symptoms of an ear infection. What?!? An ear infection?!? I'd never had one before! In retrospect, the earplugs I wore at night to block out the chatter of my friends (This human needs sleep. Who knew?) always and only hurt my right ear all week long. The music probably just accelerated things.
In my free time, I sat on my bed and tried to eat. I couldn't. I was tired and getting a wee bit dizzy. I've never cried before at camp, which I guess is a pretty big, unemotional achievement. It was not a typical year, but the pain in my ear took me over the edge. I broke down and bawled in short intervals. I knew I needed to leave an entire day early, but I didn't want to. The last night always has the best talk, the guys sing to the girls, and the girls usually sing back, and baptisms happen the following morning. Plus, you know, they give out prizes to all of the teams and stuff... But I was mostly sad about missing the talk. Someone said that they wait a whole year just for a Thursday night. So do I.
By 4pm, I had left the camp. I only got to say a proper goodbye to one person. By dinner that night, I had medicine for my ear. I was able to eat. I still felt horrible. I have hardly ever been so sad as I was then.
My cat greeted me warmly, and hardly left my side all night, making me feel better. I got to see how much our little duck, Gaston, towered over our older duck, Belle. I saw Belle fly! Ducks sure do fly funny. But my mind stayed on what I was missing.
When I went to bed, I grabbed my Bible. I desperately needed it. Throughout the week, many of the verses I had memorized came from Psalm. I was going to flip to that book, and red a few chapters. You know how in Doctor Who with the Weeping Angels if you blink, you're either dead or sent back into the past? I blinked. The word, "Deuteronomy," flashed across my eyelids. I kind of shrugged to myself, and instead of going to Psalm, I opened my Bible to what I thought would be midway between it and Deuteronomy. I always forget how large the first few books are! My pages slid open to Deuteronomy 8. My Bible has it titled, "Do Not Forget the Lord." I cried and prayed as I read:
1 Be careful to follow every command I am giving you today, so that you may live and increase and may enter and possess the land the LORD promised on oath to your ancestors. 2 Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the wilderness these forty years, to humble and test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. 3 He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your ancestors had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD. 4 Your clothes did not wear out and your feet did not swell during these forty years. 5 Know then in your heart that as a man disciplines his son, so the LORD your God disciplines you.
6 Observe the commands of the LORD your God, walking in obedience to him and revering him. 7 For the LORD your God is bringing you into a good land—a land with brooks, streams, and deep springs gushing out into the valleys and hills; 8 a land with wheat and barley, vines and fig trees, pomegranates, olive oil and honey; 9 a land where bread will not be scarce and you will lack nothing; a land where the rocks are iron and you can dig copper out of the hills.
10 When you have eaten and are satisfied, praise the LORD your God for the good land he has given you. 11 Be careful that you do not forget the LORD your God, failing to observe his commands, his laws and his decrees that I am giving you this day. 12 Otherwise, when you eat and are satisfied, when you build fine houses and settle down, 13 and when your herds and flocks grow large and your silver and gold increase and all you have is multiplied, 14 then your heart will become proud and you will forget the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. 15 He led you through the vast and dreadful wilderness, that thirsty and waterless land, with its venomous snakes and scorpions. He brought you water out of hard rock. 16 He gave you manna to eat in the wilderness, something your ancestors had never known, to humble and test you so that in the end it might go well with you. 17 You may say to yourself, "My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me." 18 But remember the LORD your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth, and so confirms his covenant, which he swore to your ancestors, as it is today.
19 If you ever forget the LORD your God and follow other gods and worship and bow down to them, I testify against you today that you will surely be destroyed. 20 Like the nations the LORD destroyed before you, so you will be destroyed for not obeying the LORD your God.
I needed so badly to read this. I realized that I needed to be more dependant on God. When I struggle, I pray, but sometimes I think I forget just how powerful God is. He is so powerful, and this is really nothing in comparison to His true power, that on Tuesday morning, when I was so exhausted that I could barely keep my eyes open, when I prayed for focus so that I could actually understand the talk that morning, I felt something swish through me, and when I opened my eyes, I was wide awake, and remained so until later that night. It was probably just a ton of adrenaline, but it still was an amazing moment. I also remembered that Christians can't be strong without being tested. For most of the people at that camp, they said that they can feel their lives getting harder because they're being spiritually attacked. For me, though, I struggle at camp. Sure, it's easier not to sin, but I think that because of that, I forget to lean on God like I should. Mostly, though, I feel attacked in a different way. I get distracted. It's a really easy thing for me to do. When my health is attacked, it's harder for me to face than sin! I get miserable and forget that I represent my God. I act rudely. I'm not a terribly nice person by nature, which is something that I'm working on, and this just makes it worse. I have to be stronger, through the Holy Spirit.
When I feel closest to God and can feel Him speaking to me, I am always certain of the message. For probably a year now, the same message keeps getting to me. I usually end up crying. God's sculpting me to be strong and dependant on Him. He's helping me to learn and grow in Him because one day, I'll need everything I can get because the worst battle (and I am confident that it will be a bad one) is yet to come. Once, what I was reading, the music I was listening to, the book I was reading, and the thought I unwillingly thought all told me the same thing. Of course, it wasn't vague like it seems, but some things are too personal to share, even in writing. The point of this is that when I read this, and felt connected to God, the promise wasn't a struggle. It was a promise of something good. If we deal with testing well, we'll end up stronger in the end. I know that I still have a pretty big battle to fight yet, but this promise of something good? It drives me as well, and gives me something to look forward to. I love God and the mysterious ways he communicates with us. Just think: if I didn't come home when I did, I would never have read that chapter. I'm still sad, but I'm finding it hard to regret when God communicated to me more in that chapter than He did all week!
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Five Worlds
I live in about five different worlds. I have, of course, summed them all up into five, as it would be too difficult to explain all of the overlapping worlds, sub-worlds, and etcetera. I dearly hope that they are clearly understood.
World 1. AKA: The World of Reality. It involves, but is not limited to: school, family, friends, world events, and my interactions with them.
World 2. AKA: The World of Sin. We all have some sort of moral code we try to uphold. However, when we somehow end up there, you feel almost like a new person! It is quite frightening when you rise back up to the World of Reality. You realize how easy it is to descend so low, that you can barely remember where you came from. For a short while, every now and then, this dastardly world comes and invades my being. It is a terrible place to be.
World 3. AKA: The World of my God. I am a very devoted Christian. I believe this world applies to everyone. In a way, we all practice some form of religion. Have you ever been suddenly hit with some sort of life-changing thought? Is there a temple in your head you can retreat to in the darkest of times? It is the opposite of the World of Sin. Wherever your moral code comes from, that is your World 3. When this world hits me, it is like awakening from a dream. Suddenly, I will be startled by a new idea, understand a Bible verse, or realize why I am friends with someone. Call this world what you may, it is the core of all of us.
World 4. AKA: The World of Fiction. It can involve many different mediums, but I am particularly speaking of the written word. It seems silly to explain the obvious, so I will sum this up quickly. There is usually a connection between the words and the reader that puts the reader straight into the story. I have been told that when I read, the expression of the characters appear on my face. In addition to reading, I am a dedicated writer. When I write, I tend to forget where I am and that these people are not real. Occasionally, I will get sad over my characters’ misfortunes, and sometimes I even get upset (usually at the author) before I realize that I put them there in the first place and that I control the entire story. Funnily enough, I have never believed that I have full control. I am so involved in this world, that I have decided that if Jane does not want to be kind to the just-shot Greg, her only ally, that I cannot make her. When writing, I think, “What would Jane do?” and never, “What will Jane do?”
World 5. AKA: The World of Me. Your most inner secrets are revealed to all civilians in this world! Luckily, you can be a recluse, a hermit here. I do not like myself and I have plenty of reasons. I live in this world from time to time. Who can argue against that? Me is a reason I never wish to reproduce. It is why I stopped wishing for a twin. Me is fed by the other four worlds. This particularly odd planet in turn fuels the others. It is a horrible, amazing, insane place. The World of Me is a place I never want to visit as someone else. Each individuals’ Me would probably drive all tourists mad.
“If you will practice being fictional for a while, you will understand that fictional characters are sometimes more real than people with bodies and heartbeats.” -Richard Bach
“I’ll be a story in your head. That’s okay. We’re all stories in the end.” –The Doctor (From the television series, Doctor Who)
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