The following story is long and dull, but it leads to a pretty grand finale. Please bare with me.
For this past week, I have been at a Christian camp. It ended midday Friday. On Wednesday night, the worship music was especially loud. My right ear was directly in the line of one of the speakers. It was merely two or three seats in front of me. Probably in the middle of the second song, my right ear began to throb. I assumed the music was just a tad too loud for me. No one else seemed distracted. Suddenly, my entire right ear, inside and out, felt bruised and swollen as it throbbed and I even thought it might be bleeding. I turned so that it didn't face the speakers anymore, but it didn't matter. The damage was done. I cupped my ear, and kept my fingers tightly over it for the remainder of the worship. In the talk that followed, my ear kept paining me, but less than it had during the music. I just prayed for relief from the sharp stabs of pain so that I could focus on the message.
The next morning came. My ear still hurt quite a bit. I found out that the water all over camp was out. We had to use porto-potties. I'm a very paranoid person. I have many fears and phobias. Many of them are rational; others are not. Porto-potties are more terrifying to me than, oh, I don't know, getting killed in a freak accident. (Okay, that may be a stretch, but not by much.) So, that morning, I bravely walked up to it, took a deep breath, and walked in. I came out gasping for air. I was almost in tears. I'm not an emotional person. I hardly even cry when I'm alone. Basically, I hate those makeshift toilets like I hate the most horrifying nightmare I've ever had.
My mornings are always rough. My stomach was nauseous every single morning, so I always ate between half an hour or an hour later, meaning that I never got a full meal as the food was only whatever snacks I had brought to camp. In addition to that, I have horrible reactions to pollen, especially this year. My medicine hardly helped me. It can make it hard for me to breath, it can make me nauseous, give me a runny nose and watery eyes, among other things. So, between my allergies, stomach, ear, and the water, I was having a pretty heinous morning.
Somehow, I made it through breakfast, worship, and the morning talk. After that, I went to play games with my wonderful team. I didn't know anyone particularly well on my team, but they always lifted my spirits. I found it easier to ignore my ear with them. By the time we were walking to our last game of the day, and of camp, their cheerful, friendly personalities were no match for the nails being hammered into my ear. I've never had any real pain in my ears, so I wasn't sure if it was serious. So I asked my team leader, who sent me to a woman who sent me to another woman who sent me to the nurse. I guess ear problems are rarer so she didn't have anything for me but an ice pack, which seemed to slow down the stabbing.
During lunch, my ear hurt to much for me to have an appetite. To have something to do, I said two verses, and memorized seven more, five of which I said as well (The camp gives out five verses to memorize, and I said them all on the first full day. Maybe it's the overachiever in me, but I got bored and asked for more. Not only do they get your team points, but, well, it's fun and fulfilling to memorize the Bible!).
A couple hours later, I got another icepack, and another woman looked at my ear and told me I had symptoms of an ear infection. What?!? An ear infection?!? I'd never had one before! In retrospect, the earplugs I wore at night to block out the chatter of my friends (This human needs sleep. Who knew?) always and only hurt my right ear all week long. The music probably just accelerated things.
In my free time, I sat on my bed and tried to eat. I couldn't. I was tired and getting a wee bit dizzy. I've never cried before at camp, which I guess is a pretty big, unemotional achievement. It was not a typical year, but the pain in my ear took me over the edge. I broke down and bawled in short intervals. I knew I needed to leave an entire day early, but I didn't want to. The last night always has the best talk, the guys sing to the girls, and the girls usually sing back, and baptisms happen the following morning. Plus, you know, they give out prizes to all of the teams and stuff... But I was mostly sad about missing the talk. Someone said that they wait a whole year just for a Thursday night. So do I.
By 4pm, I had left the camp. I only got to say a proper goodbye to one person. By dinner that night, I had medicine for my ear. I was able to eat. I still felt horrible. I have hardly ever been so sad as I was then.
My cat greeted me warmly, and hardly left my side all night, making me feel better. I got to see how much our little duck, Gaston, towered over our older duck, Belle. I saw Belle fly! Ducks sure do fly funny. But my mind stayed on what I was missing.
When I went to bed, I grabbed my Bible. I desperately needed it. Throughout the week, many of the verses I had memorized came from Psalm. I was going to flip to that book, and red a few chapters. You know how in Doctor Who with the Weeping Angels if you blink, you're either dead or sent back into the past? I blinked. The word, "Deuteronomy," flashed across my eyelids. I kind of shrugged to myself, and instead of going to Psalm, I opened my Bible to what I thought would be midway between it and Deuteronomy. I always forget how large the first few books are! My pages slid open to Deuteronomy 8. My Bible has it titled, "Do Not Forget the Lord." I cried and prayed as I read:
1 Be careful to follow every command I am giving you today, so that you may live and increase and may enter and possess the land the LORD promised on oath to your ancestors. 2 Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the wilderness these forty years, to humble and test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. 3 He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your ancestors had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD. 4 Your clothes did not wear out and your feet did not swell during these forty years. 5 Know then in your heart that as a man disciplines his son, so the LORD your God disciplines you.
6 Observe the commands of the LORD your God, walking in obedience to him and revering him. 7 For the LORD your God is bringing you into a good land—a land with brooks, streams, and deep springs gushing out into the valleys and hills; 8 a land with wheat and barley, vines and fig trees, pomegranates, olive oil and honey; 9 a land where bread will not be scarce and you will lack nothing; a land where the rocks are iron and you can dig copper out of the hills.
10 When you have eaten and are satisfied, praise the LORD your God for the good land he has given you. 11 Be careful that you do not forget the LORD your God, failing to observe his commands, his laws and his decrees that I am giving you this day. 12 Otherwise, when you eat and are satisfied, when you build fine houses and settle down, 13 and when your herds and flocks grow large and your silver and gold increase and all you have is multiplied, 14 then your heart will become proud and you will forget the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. 15 He led you through the vast and dreadful wilderness, that thirsty and waterless land, with its venomous snakes and scorpions. He brought you water out of hard rock. 16 He gave you manna to eat in the wilderness, something your ancestors had never known, to humble and test you so that in the end it might go well with you. 17 You may say to yourself, "My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me." 18 But remember the LORD your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth, and so confirms his covenant, which he swore to your ancestors, as it is today.
19 If you ever forget the LORD your God and follow other gods and worship and bow down to them, I testify against you today that you will surely be destroyed. 20 Like the nations the LORD destroyed before you, so you will be destroyed for not obeying the LORD your God.
I needed so badly to read this. I realized that I needed to be more dependant on God. When I struggle, I pray, but sometimes I think I forget just how powerful God is. He is so powerful, and this is really nothing in comparison to His true power, that on Tuesday morning, when I was so exhausted that I could barely keep my eyes open, when I prayed for focus so that I could actually understand the talk that morning, I felt something swish through me, and when I opened my eyes, I was wide awake, and remained so until later that night. It was probably just a ton of adrenaline, but it still was an amazing moment. I also remembered that Christians can't be strong without being tested. For most of the people at that camp, they said that they can feel their lives getting harder because they're being spiritually attacked. For me, though, I struggle at camp. Sure, it's easier not to sin, but I think that because of that, I forget to lean on God like I should. Mostly, though, I feel attacked in a different way. I get distracted. It's a really easy thing for me to do. When my health is attacked, it's harder for me to face than sin! I get miserable and forget that I represent my God. I act rudely. I'm not a terribly nice person by nature, which is something that I'm working on, and this just makes it worse. I have to be stronger, through the Holy Spirit.
When I feel closest to God and can feel Him speaking to me, I am always certain of the message. For probably a year now, the same message keeps getting to me. I usually end up crying. God's sculpting me to be strong and dependant on Him. He's helping me to learn and grow in Him because one day, I'll need everything I can get because the worst battle (and I am confident that it will be a bad one) is yet to come. Once, what I was reading, the music I was listening to, the book I was reading, and the thought I unwillingly thought all told me the same thing. Of course, it wasn't vague like it seems, but some things are too personal to share, even in writing. The point of this is that when I read this, and felt connected to God, the promise wasn't a struggle. It was a promise of something good. If we deal with testing well, we'll end up stronger in the end. I know that I still have a pretty big battle to fight yet, but this promise of something good? It drives me as well, and gives me something to look forward to. I love God and the mysterious ways he communicates with us. Just think: if I didn't come home when I did, I would never have read that chapter. I'm still sad, but I'm finding it hard to regret when God communicated to me more in that chapter than He did all week!
For this past week, I have been at a Christian camp. It ended midday Friday. On Wednesday night, the worship music was especially loud. My right ear was directly in the line of one of the speakers. It was merely two or three seats in front of me. Probably in the middle of the second song, my right ear began to throb. I assumed the music was just a tad too loud for me. No one else seemed distracted. Suddenly, my entire right ear, inside and out, felt bruised and swollen as it throbbed and I even thought it might be bleeding. I turned so that it didn't face the speakers anymore, but it didn't matter. The damage was done. I cupped my ear, and kept my fingers tightly over it for the remainder of the worship. In the talk that followed, my ear kept paining me, but less than it had during the music. I just prayed for relief from the sharp stabs of pain so that I could focus on the message.
The next morning came. My ear still hurt quite a bit. I found out that the water all over camp was out. We had to use porto-potties. I'm a very paranoid person. I have many fears and phobias. Many of them are rational; others are not. Porto-potties are more terrifying to me than, oh, I don't know, getting killed in a freak accident. (Okay, that may be a stretch, but not by much.) So, that morning, I bravely walked up to it, took a deep breath, and walked in. I came out gasping for air. I was almost in tears. I'm not an emotional person. I hardly even cry when I'm alone. Basically, I hate those makeshift toilets like I hate the most horrifying nightmare I've ever had.
My mornings are always rough. My stomach was nauseous every single morning, so I always ate between half an hour or an hour later, meaning that I never got a full meal as the food was only whatever snacks I had brought to camp. In addition to that, I have horrible reactions to pollen, especially this year. My medicine hardly helped me. It can make it hard for me to breath, it can make me nauseous, give me a runny nose and watery eyes, among other things. So, between my allergies, stomach, ear, and the water, I was having a pretty heinous morning.
Somehow, I made it through breakfast, worship, and the morning talk. After that, I went to play games with my wonderful team. I didn't know anyone particularly well on my team, but they always lifted my spirits. I found it easier to ignore my ear with them. By the time we were walking to our last game of the day, and of camp, their cheerful, friendly personalities were no match for the nails being hammered into my ear. I've never had any real pain in my ears, so I wasn't sure if it was serious. So I asked my team leader, who sent me to a woman who sent me to another woman who sent me to the nurse. I guess ear problems are rarer so she didn't have anything for me but an ice pack, which seemed to slow down the stabbing.
During lunch, my ear hurt to much for me to have an appetite. To have something to do, I said two verses, and memorized seven more, five of which I said as well (The camp gives out five verses to memorize, and I said them all on the first full day. Maybe it's the overachiever in me, but I got bored and asked for more. Not only do they get your team points, but, well, it's fun and fulfilling to memorize the Bible!).
A couple hours later, I got another icepack, and another woman looked at my ear and told me I had symptoms of an ear infection. What?!? An ear infection?!? I'd never had one before! In retrospect, the earplugs I wore at night to block out the chatter of my friends (This human needs sleep. Who knew?) always and only hurt my right ear all week long. The music probably just accelerated things.
In my free time, I sat on my bed and tried to eat. I couldn't. I was tired and getting a wee bit dizzy. I've never cried before at camp, which I guess is a pretty big, unemotional achievement. It was not a typical year, but the pain in my ear took me over the edge. I broke down and bawled in short intervals. I knew I needed to leave an entire day early, but I didn't want to. The last night always has the best talk, the guys sing to the girls, and the girls usually sing back, and baptisms happen the following morning. Plus, you know, they give out prizes to all of the teams and stuff... But I was mostly sad about missing the talk. Someone said that they wait a whole year just for a Thursday night. So do I.
By 4pm, I had left the camp. I only got to say a proper goodbye to one person. By dinner that night, I had medicine for my ear. I was able to eat. I still felt horrible. I have hardly ever been so sad as I was then.
My cat greeted me warmly, and hardly left my side all night, making me feel better. I got to see how much our little duck, Gaston, towered over our older duck, Belle. I saw Belle fly! Ducks sure do fly funny. But my mind stayed on what I was missing.
When I went to bed, I grabbed my Bible. I desperately needed it. Throughout the week, many of the verses I had memorized came from Psalm. I was going to flip to that book, and red a few chapters. You know how in Doctor Who with the Weeping Angels if you blink, you're either dead or sent back into the past? I blinked. The word, "Deuteronomy," flashed across my eyelids. I kind of shrugged to myself, and instead of going to Psalm, I opened my Bible to what I thought would be midway between it and Deuteronomy. I always forget how large the first few books are! My pages slid open to Deuteronomy 8. My Bible has it titled, "Do Not Forget the Lord." I cried and prayed as I read:
1 Be careful to follow every command I am giving you today, so that you may live and increase and may enter and possess the land the LORD promised on oath to your ancestors. 2 Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the wilderness these forty years, to humble and test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. 3 He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your ancestors had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD. 4 Your clothes did not wear out and your feet did not swell during these forty years. 5 Know then in your heart that as a man disciplines his son, so the LORD your God disciplines you.
6 Observe the commands of the LORD your God, walking in obedience to him and revering him. 7 For the LORD your God is bringing you into a good land—a land with brooks, streams, and deep springs gushing out into the valleys and hills; 8 a land with wheat and barley, vines and fig trees, pomegranates, olive oil and honey; 9 a land where bread will not be scarce and you will lack nothing; a land where the rocks are iron and you can dig copper out of the hills.
10 When you have eaten and are satisfied, praise the LORD your God for the good land he has given you. 11 Be careful that you do not forget the LORD your God, failing to observe his commands, his laws and his decrees that I am giving you this day. 12 Otherwise, when you eat and are satisfied, when you build fine houses and settle down, 13 and when your herds and flocks grow large and your silver and gold increase and all you have is multiplied, 14 then your heart will become proud and you will forget the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. 15 He led you through the vast and dreadful wilderness, that thirsty and waterless land, with its venomous snakes and scorpions. He brought you water out of hard rock. 16 He gave you manna to eat in the wilderness, something your ancestors had never known, to humble and test you so that in the end it might go well with you. 17 You may say to yourself, "My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me." 18 But remember the LORD your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth, and so confirms his covenant, which he swore to your ancestors, as it is today.
19 If you ever forget the LORD your God and follow other gods and worship and bow down to them, I testify against you today that you will surely be destroyed. 20 Like the nations the LORD destroyed before you, so you will be destroyed for not obeying the LORD your God.
I needed so badly to read this. I realized that I needed to be more dependant on God. When I struggle, I pray, but sometimes I think I forget just how powerful God is. He is so powerful, and this is really nothing in comparison to His true power, that on Tuesday morning, when I was so exhausted that I could barely keep my eyes open, when I prayed for focus so that I could actually understand the talk that morning, I felt something swish through me, and when I opened my eyes, I was wide awake, and remained so until later that night. It was probably just a ton of adrenaline, but it still was an amazing moment. I also remembered that Christians can't be strong without being tested. For most of the people at that camp, they said that they can feel their lives getting harder because they're being spiritually attacked. For me, though, I struggle at camp. Sure, it's easier not to sin, but I think that because of that, I forget to lean on God like I should. Mostly, though, I feel attacked in a different way. I get distracted. It's a really easy thing for me to do. When my health is attacked, it's harder for me to face than sin! I get miserable and forget that I represent my God. I act rudely. I'm not a terribly nice person by nature, which is something that I'm working on, and this just makes it worse. I have to be stronger, through the Holy Spirit.
When I feel closest to God and can feel Him speaking to me, I am always certain of the message. For probably a year now, the same message keeps getting to me. I usually end up crying. God's sculpting me to be strong and dependant on Him. He's helping me to learn and grow in Him because one day, I'll need everything I can get because the worst battle (and I am confident that it will be a bad one) is yet to come. Once, what I was reading, the music I was listening to, the book I was reading, and the thought I unwillingly thought all told me the same thing. Of course, it wasn't vague like it seems, but some things are too personal to share, even in writing. The point of this is that when I read this, and felt connected to God, the promise wasn't a struggle. It was a promise of something good. If we deal with testing well, we'll end up stronger in the end. I know that I still have a pretty big battle to fight yet, but this promise of something good? It drives me as well, and gives me something to look forward to. I love God and the mysterious ways he communicates with us. Just think: if I didn't come home when I did, I would never have read that chapter. I'm still sad, but I'm finding it hard to regret when God communicated to me more in that chapter than He did all week!
