(01-19-11) I’m sickly and miserable. If I wasn’t trying to force myself to get better, I might pity myself. Yet, I’m not. (Okay, I totally do, but I’m only moping. Things could be a lot worse.) And I know why.
My life would be so much simpler if I would just put myself first. No, I’m not being prideful. I’ve been sick, but I’ve forced myself to go to school (Both times, I ended up making Bebo pull over the car so I could jump out and try not to hurl. We hadn’t even made it to the highway). Tomorrow, I am going to do the same thing. Hopefully, I will make it through the day (Hopefully, I’ll make the drive to the school). Any normal time in my life, I wouldn’t have made it that far. Now I have a reason, and it’s not for me.
I don’t have a clue about what I’m going to do with my life (Okay, I have some hints, but nothing absolute). I push through everything these days because I don’t think I’ve exactly filled God’s purpose for me yet. I guess I could have without knowing, which would be amazing. To know you’ve made some sort of impact… Still, I’m striving for an unknown. (01-20-11) It terrifies me to know that I may or may not be equipping myself for the future. The best I can do is to prepare for a battle and hope that whatever else I’m doing will be enough.
“In preparing for battle I have always found that plans are useless, but planning is indispensable.” -Dwight D. Eisenhower
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