It’s ridiculous. It truly is. I am so dense sometimes. I have issues with seeing what is right in front of me all of the time: “I can’t find my keys!”
“Did you check in the angel (an angel bowl thing where I like to put my keys)?”
“Yes!”
The other person comes over to me and glances into the angel. “What’s this then?” they asked, dangling the keys in my face.
See? I have issues. And I run into literal walls, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. It’s a common occurrence.
I always thought it was so ridiculous how much God would have to do just to convince His own people of something! I mean, I would hope that if God spoke to me in a dream, that I would believe it. And then those lucky people weren’t quite sure, so God had to give them signs! I was told that in those days it wasn’t odd at all to ask for a sign. That’s how those people deemed something true. Our culture is different.
But really. Through a dream, or by angels (How terrifying would that be? Because, of course, they look nothing like these prissy things in white gowns and soft wings we call angels.), or by signs. Some people would just know. Humans are so thick. And I’m one of them.
God’s been speaking to me in a way that is unique to every person. Dreams. Music. Books. Feelings, or rather strong pulls and convictions. I always wondered how some people managed to not realize. I mean, God hasn’t sent me an angel telling me I’m pregnant by the Holy Spirit or anything. There haven’t been any burning bushes.
Okay, quick judging me. I don’t believe things just because they pop into my life a lot. If I did, I should have been killed a long ago. But those are just my paranoid thoughts. And apparently, I needed a lot of convincing.
It was the fourteenth of December in the year of 2010. I was reading a book. All of a sudden, I was hit with a conviction. It was overwhelming for about two hours. Then I got used to it. But it was so strong… Adrenaline rushed through me. It was the first time I’ve really cried in a while. I had Pandora (a website where you can listen to music based off of who you choose as the base) playing in the background. A song came up that spoke of the thoughts that had madly swirled through my head. A few nights before that, I had listened to a woman speak about this very thing. A few stories and songs came to mind immediately, including a man’s conviction of the very thing I had just been hit with. Suddenly, I understood his attitude from that day. I’ve been having dreams. Of course I have! Everyone dreams, even if they don’t remember them! But the ones that hit me hardest… I found a notebook today where I had written a dream from about three years ago. God was telling me even then.
I know what I need to do. I don’t know how everything is going to turn out. I’m not sure of anything specific. I just know what God is asking of me, and I’ve accepted. I have willingly said yes. I could always back out. I could always decide that I won’t. And I’m pretty sure that I would never have to. Life is made up of choices, after all. But when people read your eulogy at your funeral, wouldn’t you rather they say how you always did your best? Wouldn’t you rather they said you were a strong, determined person, instead of weakly making comments about how good of a person you were? Compare.
Here lies Joe, a dear husband and father. He will be missed.
Here lies Joe, a strong, devoted Christian who always persevered.
I just wanted to point that out. Personally, while both have nice qualities, the second obviously emits a better quality of the dead man’s life.
Do you understand? But while I may have seen straight through what God was telling me for a long period of time, that doesn’t mean it’s too late. If I give up, then what am I? No, I will persevere. Besides, I do quite enjoy a challenge.
“When you believe in a thing, believe in it all the way, implicitly and unquestionable.” -Walt Disney
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